Editorial Tip of the Week: A While vs. Awhile

Let's take a moment, or maybe a while, to consider the difference between awhile or a while.

You've reached the place in your novel where the dentist tells the hapless protagonist, "This will only hurt for a little while." You've written "a little while" as a simple noun phrase: while is the noun that's modified by two adjectives, "a" and "little." (Yes, according to The Chicago Manual of Style, the indefinite article a is a limiting adjective that "points to nonspecific objects, things or persons that are not distinguished from other members of a class.") So, even if you decide to remove "little" from that phrase, a while would still be a noun phrase, with one adjective and one noun.

Because you're aware that the reader's time is precious and patience limited, you decide to tighten your prose. But how? If you type "This will only hurt for a while," your noun phrase will become a prepositional phrase, beginning with "for" and still followed by a limiting adjective and a noun. No problem. But if you change "for a while" to "for awhile," you risk distracting any reader who has an eye for grammar—and you want your readers to focus on the scene itself. Your innocent change has converted a noun to an adverb and, as Paul Brians, in Common Errors in English Usage, explains:

When “awhile” is spelled as a single word, it is an adverb meaning “for a time” (“stay awhile”); but when “while” is the object of a prepositional phrase, like “Lend me your monkey wrench for a while” the “while” must be separated from the “a.”

So your grammarian reader, whether irritated or indulgent, will see this phrase as "for for a while" and pause, in spite of your intention to move that scene forward.

Try out the following options:

This will only hurt for a little while.
This will only hurt for a while.
(Where while is a noun meaning "a period of time.")
This will only hurt awhile.
(Where awhile is an adverb meaning "for a time.")

And then let your ear decide. 

Editorial Tip of the Week: Cut the Dangling Participles!

Participial phrases often add excellent descriptions to sentences, but writers should be careful to make sure the intended meaning is clear. Dangling participles loom in the margins of sentences and twist the writer’s words. While these dangling phrases are incorrect, they can be found in the copy of careful writers. When you come across participial phrases in your work, make sure that phrase connects to the intended subject.

But let’s review our terms before moving toward certain grammatical edicts.

The Chicago Manual of Style never hesitates to offer precise definitions. The fifteenth edition notes, “A participial phrase is made up of a participle plus and closely associated word or words, such as modifiers or complements.” It’s easy to spot the participle. You have to look for a modified verb stem, usually ending in ing for present participles or ed for past participles. Participial phrases come in two forms: they can function as an adjective to modify a noun or pronoun, and they can function as an adverb to modify the predicate or part of the predicate. Participial phrases modifying the subject of the sentence are the most problematic for writers, so we will focus on these phrases. Here are some examples of participial phrases to show how they work in sentences:

Snuggling into my blankets, my cat purred in the dark.

Running from the cops, the robber tripped over the curb and dropped the stolen money.

In the first example, Snuggling is the participle for the phrase into my blankets. The participial phrase Snuggling into my blankets modifies the subject cat, showing what she was doing as she purred in the dark. The second example modifies robber through the participial phrase Running from the cops. Participial phrases tend to be at the beginning of a sentence; they are usually very close to the subject being modified.

The participial phrases begin to dangle as they become disconnected from the proper subject. When the independent clause following the participial phrase does not begin with the subject modified by the participial phrase, the reader can quickly become confused. For example:

While pumping my gas, my car began to roll backward.

It seems that the car is both beginning to roll and pumping my gas. Rephrasing the uncanny ability of my car to pump my gas, I have two easy alternatives that offer more clarity. I can use the correct subject in the participial phrase, or I can begin the independent clause with the correct subject. Here are the two corrected versions of this sentence:

While I was pumping my gas, my car began to roll backward.

While pumping my gas, I noticed my car was rolling backward.

These introductory phrases clearly express that I—and not a futuristic car—was pumping the gas. We have cut the dangling participles!

There are two types of sentences prone to creating dangling participles. When using participial phrases, you should not start the independent clause with there is, there are, or it is. The Copywriter’s Handbook also notes, “Dangling is also inevitable when the independent clause is headed by a verb.” Here are a few examples of these dangling participles:

Reading the reports from the front line, it is unsafe for our army to advance any more.

Awakened by the thunderstorm, there is no chance of me going back to bed.

Watching the sunrise, getting up early was her greatest pleasure.

While eating the chocolate bar, trying to drive was very difficult for Paul.

These phrases can be corrected as easily as our first examples. We can either insert the correct subject in the first clause, or we can begin the independent clause with the proper subject. Here are two corrected versions of these examples:

After I was awakened by the thunderstorm, there is no chance of me going back to bed.

While eating the chocolate bar, Paul found driving to be very difficult.

Always pay attention to the participial phrases in your writing. Although the concept may make sense in your head, you should be sure that your sentences clearly communicate your thoughts.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Count me in!

Numbers (and their sibling, mathematics) can be the bane of any writer. When should a writer use numerals and symbols? When should a writer spell the number out? The rules for writing numbers can be vague and tend to vary from source to source.

When writing a technical or scientific piece, it is often necessary to use numerals to convey the data clearly to the reader. In most journalistic writing, the space on the page is given the highest priority. The style of the Associated Press dictates that journalists spell out both cardinal and ordinal numbers one through nine while suggesting that the writers use numerals in other cases.

A writer must strive for consistency and readability when dealing with numbers. The Chicago Manual of Style, fifteenth edition, offers wise words for writers struggling with proper usage. Chicago structures its conventions around one general rule: “whole numbers from one through one hundred, round numbers, and any number beginning a sentence” should be spelled out. Others should be written using numerals.

Two hundred and twenty-one rabbits were found living in the abandoned house.
Seventeen of the students were twenty-two-years old.
There were nearly two thousand people in the coliseum.
We’re going to party like it’s 1999!
I counted 3,397 bricks in the pathway of our neighborhood park.

The round numbers of Chicago are hundreds, thousands, millions, or higher round values. These round numbers should be spelled out. When a writer wishes to express a very large number (usually in the millions, billions, or higher), a combination of numerals and spelled out numbers is recommended for readability.

Recent research suggests that the Big Bang occurred around 13.3 and 13.9 billion years ago.
As of the 2000 census, there are an estimated 1.2 billion people living in Mainland China.

Simple fractions should be spelled out. Numbers involving whole numbers and fractions are often written in numerals, but may be spelled out if they are short. Percentages should always be written in numerals. As Chicago is quick to note, the word percent should be used in humanistic writings.

I finished writing two-thirds of my essay before falling asleep.
I woke up the next morning with 33 percent of my work left to do.
She took meticulous notes her 2½ x 4-inch index cards.

As a general rule, strive toward consistency and readability when using numbers. These conventions should provide some support when using numbers, but there will always be traditional exceptions. It’s much easier to tell someone to pick up a 60-watt light bulb than a sixty-watt light bulb. It makes more sense to use a 12-point font than a twelve-point font. If you consider your reader as you write, using numbers will be as easy as one, two, three.

For more information on using numbers when dealing with money, please read Martha's tip.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Wordiness (Part II)

Continuing last week's discussion of wordiness, let's consider a few more examples of verbiage. Although some of these phrases can add a bit of flavor to one's writing, they often appear as overused expressions. Communicating an idea or feeling is at the heart of writing—strive to be direct and to avoid useless phrases with the aim of better communication. Here are a few more examples to reconsider when you find them in your work:

inasmuch as. Although this phrase is grammatically correct, it tends to stick out like a sore thumb... or a cliché. Both since and because are more manageable alternatives.

in connection with. Our Chicago pulls no punches when calling this example a "vague, fuzzy phrase." The manual provides of, related to, associated with, about, and for as possible variations to use.

in the affirmative. While this phrase has the connotation of being more formal, it is usually easier to simply state that the answer is yes. The CMS reminds us that the correct way to punctuate the proper phrase is he said yes—using no quotation marks or capitalization.

in the near future. Why waste words when you can use one? Try using soon or shortly.

question as to whether. This phrase seems to be particularly needless for William Strunk, Jr. In the Elements of Style, he lists this phrase as the primary offender of using unnecessary words. The word whether or the phrase question whether will usually do a better job of presenting the information concisely.

As we strive to best convey our messages, remember that we are not trying to strip the life out of every sentence. We don't want to reduce our writing to the most rudimentary sketches. Instead we should take away the needless words so that our words continuously convey ideas and feelings. As Strunk wrote:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Wordiness (Part I)

In which our Editorial Assistant begins to address the fact that many writers should examine their proclivity for using many words when fewer words would better serve their purposes.

"Be Clear" and "Omit Needless Words"

William Strunk, Jr., and E.B. White offer this resolute advice to readers of Elements of Style. Although contemporary linguists have taken issue with a few grammar rules in this ubiquitous book, Elements continues to offer positive criticism for writers of all stages of development. Statements like “Be Clear” and “Omit Needless Words” may seem vague and needless, but there is sound advice in trying to avoid wordiness.

Here are a few examples to examine when found in your writing:

as far as. This phrase is often used where as for would work better. Also consider concerning and regarding as concise alternatives.

as of yet. This clumsy phrase can easily be shortened. The Chicago Manual of Style recommends yet, still, and so far as possible variants.

as per. Although the phrase may sound fitting in business correspondence, it should not stray from that domain. To sound less like a character from the Dilbert comic strip, consider revising the sentence to use as or according to.

at the present time. This dry phrase is best avoided for simpler (and clearer) choices. Writers should choose now or one of its synonyms: anymore, currently, nowadays, presently, right now, or today.

by means of. Writers can often shorten this phrase to by. The CMS suggests with as another logical substitute.

due to the fact that. Our big orange style guide provides the succinct because as a replacement. Strunk took greater issue with the phrase, noting in his original version of Elements of Style: “the expression the fact that should be revised out of every sentence in which it occurs.” Thankfully (and characteristically), he provides a list of more concise expressions.

These are only a few examples of verbose phrases, but they serve as gentle warnings. Careful writers will keep keep these in mind when considering the instruction of Strunk and White: "Be Clear." Tune in next week for more signposts toward clarity, more troubling examples of wordiness.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Foreign Languages

Do you ever eat broccoli from a cup?

Wash down waffles or cookies with booze?

Have you witnessed zombies doing yoga or ballet in pajamas?

Perhaps you've seen a skipper on her yacht, playing jazz on the banjo.

The English language is a veritable smorgasbord. Each sentence above is composed of words that were borrowed--from France, India, Italy, the Netherlands, Spain, West Africa--and assimilated into modern, common English usage. These words are so familiar, it's difficult to imagine that at one time, they were new and unnatural to the English speaker's tongue. Today, the catch-all, vocabulary-magnet nature of English increases its own currency as a global language. However, despite its vast and often overwhelming nature (there's an adjective for every nuance) writers still find it necessary to incorporate foreign, non-naturalized text, whether for stylistic purposes or practically, as a reference. As outlined in The Chicago Manual of Style, here are some guidelines for foreign word usage:

If the foreign word or phrase is unfamiliar, place it in italics; otherwise, it is not italicized. {In Senegal, small children wear gris-gris to ward off evil.} After the first use, occurrences may appear in roman type.To determine whether a word is familiar or not, writers and editors should consider the intended audience and double-check with a dictionary (Chicago and the Copyeditor's Handbook recommend Webster's Collegiate).

To provide a translation of a word, phrase or title, use parentheses or quotation marks. {The Wolof proverb Waxtaan nam la, ku ko teewe ca nga or "Conversation is like a meal; those who are present, partake," reflects how Senegalese practice teranga: being prepared always to share a meal, or a conversation.} Alternatively, longer phrases may be placed in quotation marks and roman type.

Strunk and White forcefully advise writers to "Avoid Foreign Languages" (style tip #20), citing an all-too often frivolous or pretentious voice and the reader's potential unease. And yet, certainly, in the right context, foreign expressions have seasoned some great pieces of writing. How far would you go for le mot juste?

To learn more, visit Bartlby.com; of particular interest is the entry from the King's English wherein H.W. Fowler has some strong opinions on the employment of foreign words. For a list of commonly used foreign words and phrases, see this website.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Troublesome Expressions, Summer Edition

While blogging or twittering your latest summer adventure, don't let your narration be stymied by a misused word. Here is some vocabulary you may encounter, as defined and differentiated by the Chicago Manual of Style. I’ve customized the examples when inspired.

Edible; eatable. What is edible is fit for human consumption {edible flowers}. What is eatable is at least minimally palatable {the hot dog was slightly burned but still eatable}.

Luxuriant; luxurious. The two terms are fairly often confused. What is luxuriant is lush and grows abundantly {a luxuriant field of wildflowers}. What is luxurious is lavish and extravagant {a luxurious resort}.

Restive; restful. Restive has two senses: “impatient, stubborn” and “restless, agitated.” Restful means “conducive to rest.”

Seasonal; seasonable. Seasonal means either “dependent on a season” {fishing is a seasonal hobby} or “relating to the seasons or a season” {seasonal ales are at a premium in the Pacific Northwest}. Seasonable means “timely” {considering the aphid infestation, the arrival of ladybugs was seasonable} or “fitting the season” {it was unseasonably cold for July}.

Slew; slough; slue. Slew is an informal word equivalent to many or lots {we were swept along in a slew of concert goers}. It is sometimes misspelled slough (a legitimate noun meaning "a grimy swamp") {when hiking, beware the slew} or slue (a legitimate verb meaning "to swing around") {she slued the thirty-pound pack onto her back as if it hardly weighed a thing}.

Attention international travelers: stay healthy and keep an ear out for correct usage. Those prefixes make all the difference!

Epidemic; endemic; pandemic. An epidemic disease breaks out, spreads through a limited area (such as a state), and then subsides {an epidemic outbreak of measles}. (The word is frequently used as a noun {a measles epidemic}. An endemic disease is perennially present within a region or population {malaria is endemic in parts of Africa}. (Note that endemic describes a disease and not a region: it is incorrect to say this region is endemic for [a disease].) A pandemic disease is prevalent over a large area, such as a nation or continent, or the entire world {the 2009 swine flu pandemic}

Visit bartleby.com for alternative explanations and further examples for any of the vocabulary.

Editorial Tip of the Week: The Auxiliary Verb

The auxiliary verb, or helping verb, is used with other verbs to form mood, voice, and tense in a work. The main ones are “can,” “do,” and “have.” “Can” uses only its stem form in the present indicative, like “I can,” “it can,” or “they can.” “Can” becomes “could” in the past indicative, such as “I could go for a walk.” Because “can” indicates an ability or permission, “can” is always followed by an explicit or implicit verb, such as “Can you carry the groceries?”

“Do” has two forms in the present indicative: “does” for third-person singular and “do” for all other persons. In the past indicative, the form changes to “did” for all persons while in the past participle, the form changes to “done.” “Do” is only used in the present and past indicative as an auxiliary verb, but can also act as a principle verb when referencing performance, like in “he does well in school” or “they do good work.”

In the present indicative, “have” has two forms: “has” and “have.” In the past indicative as well as the past principle, the form is “had.” As a helping verb, when the present or past indicative of “have” comes before the past participle of any verb, that verb’s present-perfect or past-perfect form is used, like with “I have looked everywhere.”

For more information about auxiliary verbs and a list of others besides “can,” “do,” and “have,” be sure to check out The Chicago Manual of Style at www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Gender Bias-Free Language

Let’s face it. Creating gender-neutral language is never as easy as it seems. On the one hand, many find using the generic masculine pronoun unacceptable, even though “he” is in reference to no one in particular. On the other hand, it can be distracting to use nontraditional devices to use the generic masculine, like “he/she” or even “s/he.” Even the use of “they” can be distracting and, at times, confusing. In order to achieve this invisible gender neutrality takes some serious hard work.

According to the Chicago Manual of Style, the use of “it,” if used correctly, can help this dilemma. “It” eliminates gender even if the noun has a sex. Using “it” indicates that the sex is either unknown or unimportant. The use of “we,” “you,” or even “they” at times can be used indefinitely in the sense of “persons,” “one,” or “people in general.” If speaking for a group, “we” can be used and is sometimes called the editorial “we.” Writers also use “we” to make their writing appear less personal as a way to draw in the reader.

Deciding the best way to evoke gender neutrality can be difficult and a bit confusing. However you decide to go about it, be sure to consult your handy Chicago Manual of Style at www.chicagomanualofstyle.org for the method which will best suit your particular writing needs!

Editorial Tip of the Week: "An" and "A", "Oh" and "O"

Confusing such simple words like “an” for “a” is easy to do. What sounds just find in spoken speech can be read completely different in text, so understanding the rules before editing your work is key.

With the indefinite article, deciding between “a” versus “an” depends on the sound of the word preceding it. Use “a” before any word beginning with a consonant sound and “an” before vowel sounds. This of course leads to some issues, like with words beginning with “h”: a hotel, a history, an honor, or an heir. It all depends on whether or not the “h” is pronounced or not, so be sure to read your work carefully.

Using the interjection “oh” is meant to take the place of certain exclamations of emotion, such as “Ow!” for pain, “Ugh!” for distaste, or “No way!” for surprise. “Oh” can be capitalized if at the beginning of a sentence, and usually followed by a comma, like in “Oh, why do you do this to me?” or “The day was amazing, but, oh, I can’t describe it!”. The vocative “O” is always capitalized, never really punctuated, and more commonly seen in poetry or classical literature, “Save us, O Lord…”

For more tips and information, check out the Chicago Manuel of Style online at www.chicagomanuelofstyle.org.

Editorial Tip of the Week: Oh Snap! The Exclamation Point!

Let’s face it. Exclamation points are fun! Exciting! Stimulating! Over used! Distracting! Using too many takes away from the emotions you’re trying to convey or the extreme situations your characters are in. However, when used properly, the exclamation point is a great way to bring attention to an outcry or ironic remark, especially in dialogue.

It can be used in rhetorical questions that are essentially exclamations, such as “How can you possibly believe that!” or “When will I ever learn!” It can also be used for sound, like “grr!” or “meow!” but if you're writing something a little more academic, minimal use of the exclamation point is highly recommended.

Using it at the end of an interjection or insistent remark is a good start, but be warned to use it sparingly. Too many exclamation points, like using too many all-capitalized words, will definitely make your writing appear either over dramatic or even a little intimidating to your reader. Unless you’re trying to scare your reader away from your work and out of the room, use caution! Check out the Chicago Manual of Style at www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.

Editorial Tip of the Week: How To Avoid the Misplaced Comma

I am a comma-happy person. I place commas wherever I can in my writing, usually causing my sentences to go on and on for lines at a time. In longer works my commas make an appearance in almost every sentence on the page. Unfortunately, in the end my writing looks messy and disorganized with too many pauses to really understand what the original topic was to begin with. Surprisingly, this is a common problem for most writers.

Normally, the comma is the indication of a break or pause in the sentence. It is used after introductory phrases or words, such as however or therefore, which call for a slight break in the sentence. This pausing method can be, and usually is, abused. In The King’s English, H. W. Fowler points out that writers “have an occasional feeling that here or hereabouts is the place for a comma.” Writers beware! Too many commas are distracting to the reader and lead to wordy and unnecessary phrasing.

How can we avoid this problem? When re-reading your work, take each pause into consideration and meditate on its importance. Will the pause have more of an impact here or later on? Do I need this pause at all? Are six commas really necessary in this one sentence? If you’re still not sure, check out the more black-and-white rules in The Chicago Manual of Style and The King’s English. Your sentences will thank you.